How To Cope With Wedding Arguments

Wedding planning is a fun time in a couple’s life.  There are parties, cake tastings, looking at wedding photos, watching wedding videos  and so many pretty things.  But there is also a wedding budget, two people with opinions and families that want a say so too.  When you don’t agree on wedding plans, it can lead to stress and maybe a few arguments and hurt feelings.  So how do you get past these moments?

Listen.  When moments get tough, the first reaction is often to defend your position.  But often all this does in drag you deeper into an argument.  Practice listening not only to what is being said, but what isn’t.  Is this really an argument about the color of the tux or is it more about the feeling that the wedding is too formal?  Are you fighting about the invitation design or are your parents upset because you didn’t include their names?

Understand.  Weddings are about the couple, but also about each family.  And many families have always done their weddings a certain way.  By asking you to include traditions in your wedding day, they are really saying you are loved and inviting you to carry on their legacy.  So if the mother of the groom is insisting that you must have a picture in front of the oak tree, or the mother of the bride demands you use their wine goblets, it might be because a tradition is important to them.  Finding out the real reason someone is insistent about a certain element of your wedding day can bring understanding and appreciation.

Recognize.  Too often we try to ignore something that isn’t pleasant.  When we ignore it and try to push past, we are actually building resentment and deeper hurt.  Learning to recognize those moments and address them will keep everyone much happier.

Be reasonable.  When you find yourself annoyed or offended, it’s time to step back.  Are you overly sensitive?  Are you becoming wedding obsessed?  Does the situation need to be addressed?  Take a moment to reflect before reacting.

Prioritize and compromise.  If your wedding day will be absolutely ruined if you don’t have large reception centerpieces, state that as a priority to you.  But if the flavor of the wedding cake is really not that big of a deal, and he wants rainbow chip, you can probably compromise on that one.  Sharing what elements of your wedding day are the most important and compromising on the ones that aren’t is a good practice as you tackle the wedding planning process.  You won’t be able to control every moment of your wedding day, and wouldn’t be having much fun if you tried.

Plan together.  Wedding planning may be the first large scale project that you and your fiance tackle together.  As you plan your wedding, you are also beginning the process of building your marriage.  This involves your interactions as a couple and with your soon-to-be blended families. While it’s common for the bride to take the lead role in planning the wedding, remember that the groom likely has some ideas too.  Be sure to have him play as an active of a role as he feels comfortable with.  Don’t make large scale decisions without at least running the idea past him.  Be sure that your are presenting a united front to your families and respecting the fact that you are now a couple.

Don’t Assume.  Even the best fiance is a horrible mindreader.  When you need help, or opinions, be direct and ask.  Discussion and delegation of tasks will be important as you start your married life.

Discuss.  Calmly explained what you’re thinking and feeling can diffuse a situation.  Pick a time that the other person would be open to listening and not feel like they are blindsided or attacked.

Forgive.  When situations pop up, address them and then forgive.  Letting go of an issue is for your own good and that of the family you are creating.

Practice the following tips to avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings that can build long lasting resentment and strain in your relationships.

For the bride and groom:

1. Decide how much control you want to maintain over wedding planning and what tasks you are willing to delegate to family members.  If you want to handle all the details yourself, let your family know your intentions.  Discuss what their financial contribution entitles them to.  They have probably been planning for your wedding day long before you.
2. For every hour you spend on wedding plans, spend an hour talking about life, your family goals and dreams.  Make it a practice to split your time between things that matter to you and do not let one area take over your life.  It is an important skill you will need throughout your marriage.
3. Even if you think you know what your fiance would want, ask the questions.  It shows you value him or her.
4. If you ask family or friends for their opinion, let them know that you appreciate their suggestions, but may or may not use them.
5. Be loyal and supportive to each other first.  Understand this may be difficult for each other when the disagreement involves your parents.  You are working on forming your own family too.
6. Have frank conversations about wedding budgets.  This will be a great way to approach financial decisions in the future.
7. If someone helps you, thank them.  Often.
8. Remember to have fun!  This should be a great time in your lives.  If it is causing too much stress, reevaluate your wedding priorities.

For friends and family:

1. Despite your best intentions, the bride and groom do not want all of your opinions.  This isn’t your wedding. Help the bride and groom when asked, but allow them to form their own bonds around this great event.
2. Your ideas should be suggestions, not demands.
3. If your financial contribution is a gift, let it be one.
4. Sometimes the bride or groom needs to vent frustrations.  When this happens listen and be supportive.  Don’t speak poorly about the other party.  They will get over the issue at hand, but unkind words will sting for years to come.
5. Enjoy the celebration of the couple.  A wedding, while a highly important one, is still a one day event.  The couple will be together, and part of your family, for a lifetime.

The Pinterest Effect

Pinterest is quickly becoming the social media site of choice for couples planning their wedding.  The digital inspiration boards make image and idea storage simple – with the click of the pin.  But more recently, there has been a backlash against the ideal weddings and photos seen on Pinterest and the wedding stress created trying to attain that dream wedding.  Here’s why that happens and how to avoid it:

Unrealistic expectations.  There are so many gorgeous images on Pinterest, it’s important to remember than many of them were not photographed on the wedding day.  Many professionals are pinning images from studio shoots or separate portrait sessions, where time, lighting and subjects can be controlled.  Somehow it seems that the brides in the most Pinned images are in a perfectly clean room, with a soft light filtering in, hair and makeup completed in plenty of time and all the perfect elements around them.  When they are from real weddings, the pins are being shared most are the best images that have been selected by a photographer’s full body of work, not one entire wedding day.

If your wedding day is like most, you’ll be moving to a very quick timeline and working with friends and family instead of models in the weather or backdrop that you have provided.  It’s best to decide on a few inspiration images rather than a large list of must recreate in great details.  Discuss with your photographer why you like a set of images – is it the pose, the lighting, the enhancement added to the image?

Wedding photo fatigue.  Your wedding day is just that – your wedding day.  With highly images being repinned thousands of times, the uniqueness of the couple gets lost.  When you think about your wedding images, do you want images that look just like everyone else’s or do you want photos that capture the essence of who you are as individuals, a couple and a newly joined family?  Sometimes the images that take you back to how you felt on your wedding day are the unscripted candid moments.  Overly planning a day of Pinterest recreations leaves less space for these to occur.

The creative process.  Your wedding day photography is a collaborative process between you and your photographer.  Amazing things can happen when you show your photographer what inspires you (and even what you never, ever want to do!).  But the next step in that is to allow your professional photographer to use their creative craft to capture and create based upon what you have shared.  Your photographer can look at your unique locations, variances in lighting and work with your personality to create wedding photos that are perfectly you.

Pinterest stress.  Many brides turn to Pinterest with an eye for something unique, personalized or DIY for their wedding day.  But soon after, you find yourself creating table runners of burlap, painting your new monogram on homemade guest favors and wondering where you are going to find 300 leather bound books to go under your mason jar centerpieces filled with the most perfectly blush peonies?!  When you’ve hit that moment, remember that weddings were beautiful long before Pinterest, your guests want to share the day with you, and you’re marrying your best friend.

If you’re going to pin, here are some ideas to help you make the most of it:

Categorize.  Just like in life, it’s important to remain organized on your digital boards too.  Instead of one wedding board, consider separating images by topic.  Popular wedding boards include Invitations, wedding dresses, veils, shoes, flowers, cake designs, hair styles, nails, makeup, bridal accessories, bridesmaids, groomsmen, centerpieces, favors, showers photographyand videography.

Say It AND Show It.  Many of your wedding vendors will be those that work  in a creative field; such as wedding florists,uplighting, photography and videography.  A great way to share your creative vision with them is to pin and share the things you love.  When you meet with them for a consultation you can share your Pinterest boards so that they see what you love.  You may even want to share a board of the things you don’t like, so they know what to avoid.

Much like ripping pages out of magazines, you can also store hair, makeup and wedding attire images too.  The Pinterest mobile app makes it easy to take the images on the go.

Get feedback.  If you are looking for input on the images you pin, consider linking your Pinterest account to yourFacebook or Twitter accounts.  You can then choose to share your pins on your other social media sites.  You can also tag someone in your pin by placing “@” before their user name.

You can also allow others to contribute to your boards.  This could come in handy as you select bridesmaids dresses. Add your bridesmaids under the “Who can pin” section of the board so they can share their favorites with you.

Keep a few secrets.  Guests will be most impressed when they see your whole day come together before them rather than recounted all the things they have already seen on you Pinterest boards.  With the “Secret Board” option, you can keep a few things secret to surprise your guests on the big day.

Don’t worry, we love Pinterest too!  Check out our inspiration boards here.

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Ideas For A Fall Wedding

The rich and vibrant colors of Autumn make it the perfect backdrop for your wedding day and is one of the reasons thatfall weddings are gaining in popularity!  If you are planning a fall wedding, here are some tips:

Outdoor Weddings (and a plan B)

Choose a location with a view of the fall splendor.  Locations that feature deciduous trees such as elms, maples and oaks will provide the most color, but it is often hard to predict the peak color weekend in advance.

Ask the venue coordinator to see pictures from other weddings during that time frame that show other landscape features such as gardens as alternative color displays.
Plan for chilly temperatures.  Gas patio heaters and warm beverage stations, such as warm cider, cocoa and teas, will help to keep your guests comfortable.
State “outdoor ceremony” on your invitations so guests are prepared for their time outside.

Have a “plan B” location in case of bad weather.  You might also consider tent rental.  Discuss this in advance with your ceremony venue.  You can plan on decor elements that can bring that autumn feel indoors in case weather forces you to make a change.

Seasonal elements

Pumpkins, sunflowers, haystacks and harvest fruits are easily incorporated into your reception decor.  These elements can be part of your centerpieces, cake decorations or great scene setters.

Seasonal flowers such as mums, marigolds and dahlias are perfect for a fall bouquet – and budget savers.  Other popular fall flowers are asters, gerbera daisies, and zinnias.

Miniature pumpkin pies are perfect guest favors.  Autumn scented candles are also popular.

Cider mills and barns are great locations for your Romantics portrait session.

Fall weddings are the perfect time for seasonal colors such as orange, yellow, crimson, and berry.

Schedule accordingly

Autumn brings with it a flurry of activities.  School days, football games and other events may determine the availability of guests and should be considered when selecting your wedding date.  Fall wedding dates have gained in popularity in recent years so prime locations and wedding vendors book quickly.

Due to the sun setting earlier, you may want to consider a First Look session to capture the images you want and keep an efficient timeline.  If you choose to capture your Romantics images after the ceremony, you might want to consider and earlier ceremony start time to allow you the most shooting time before the early sunset.

Fall menu

Fall wedding menus often feature comfort foods such as roasts, turkey, potatoes, corn bread dressing and other traditional fare.

Give your bar an autumn upgrade with craft beers and hard ciders.  Many have a decidedly Oktoberfest theme or feature pumpkin flavors.

Warm cider and doughnuts can be added to your dessert stations to continue your fall wedding theme.

Fall treats

Wedding cakes can be created using pumpkin, carrot cake or dark chocolate.

Candy bar stations can include Halloween favorites such as candy corn and caramel squares.  S’mores can also be included.

Fall music

If your wedding date is close to Halloween, your DJ can work with you to include some fun dance mixes with a spooky flair or a fright themed cocktail hour.

Popular choices include:

“Thriller”
“Monster Mash”
“Dead Man’s Party”
“I Want Candy”
“Lil Red Riding Hood”
“Werewolves of London”
“Time Warp”
“Ghostbusters”

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Bridal Show Tips

Bridal shows are a convenient way to see ideas, vendors and wedding suppliers all under one roof (not to mention the freebies).  They can also be a bit overwhelming due to so many people and distractions.  We have some tips to help you get the most of out of the bridal shows you’ll attend.

Pre-register.  If the event that you will attend offers pre-registration, taking advantage of this option will save you time at check-in.  Pre-registration will often save you a few bucks too as door ticket pricing is usually a bit higher.

Dress comfortably.  Wear comfortable clothes and shoes as you’ll be doing quite a bit of walking!  Well attended shows can also be a bit warm, so you may want to dress in light layers.

Bring a bag.  Sure you’ll probably receive bags from vendors at the show, but handled bags can be a pain to carry.  A cross body or messenger bag is perfect for carrying handouts, leaving your hands free for signups.

Bring your wallet.  Many vendors offer show only promotions if you sign up on the spot.  If you find a great deal that you want to take advantage of, you’ll need a form of payment that day.  Don’t let bridal show offers sway you from your budget though.  Great vendors offer deals that last after the show too.

Make labels.  If you’re interested in signing up for additional information, be sure to print your name, phone number and email on labels in advance.  This will allow you to move quickly through the show.

Bring swatches.  If you have already selected your wedding day colors, bring swatches with you to match up to jewelry and accessories that might be on display.

Get cards (and make notes).  You’ll speak with many wedding vendors at the show.  Make a note on their card so that you remember the ones that you want to follow up with after the show.  It’s much easier to do at the time than try to remember when you are going through your bag later.

Ask and listen.  Bridal shows are a great place to ask questions to find vendors that match your wedding vision.  But just as importantly, it’s a good opportunity to see if vendors are truly interested in how they can fit in your day.  Do they ask questions of you?  Are they easy to talk with?  You’ll be trusting them with fulfilling your wedding expectations and working closely with you so be on the look out for vendors you connect with.

Plan your trip.  You can look at the vendors list to see who will be at the show.  If you have already selected your wedding dress, you can move past those booths and plan on talking with vendors whose services you still need.  Booth numbers are usually indicated on the floor plan map.  Planning in advance to concentrate on three vendors or services makes the trip more manageable.

Bring a friend – with instructions.  If you’ll attend the show with someone, make sure that person knows your agenda in advance.  If she is easily distracted or looking at things that you don’t need, she could be more of a distraction than help.  Avoid this frustration by telling her what you hope to get out of the show.

See it all.  If you bounce from side to side at the show, you might miss the booth you really need.  Plan on browsing down one side, then the other of each aisle.  If you notice most people are headed to the right, go left or to the back corner of the show and work your way out.

Come early.  Bridal show freebies go fast and the crowd builds later in the day.  Arriving early can give you more space and time to talk to vendors.

Bring your camera.  See a great idea?  Snap a pic.  This is a good way of saving ideas.  You can also take pictures of booths or cards you want to follow up with later.

Fashion shows.  If you haven’t selected your wedding day attire yet, fashion shows can be a great way to see several looks in a short period.  If you have already made your selections, take advantage of the quieter time when everyone else is watching the show to visit with vendors.

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The Award For Top Guest Goes To…

          

 Looking to add some fun to their wedding reception, Joey and Renee presented awards to the Top Guests.  Mike Staff Productions DJ Kurt made an announcement, at the couples request, that the award for the Top Guest would be given near the end of the reception to the “freshest, livest and most energetic party person to ever exist”.  This led to a fun night with guest requesting songs they could make their own like “Time Warp”, “Rock Lobster” and 90′s hip hop.  The dance floor remained packed throughout the evening as guests cheered when a new contender for the award was announced.

Is this something you would consider for your wedding?

To learn more about our award winning DJ services, click here.

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