Wedding Rehearsal Dinner

Traditionally, the groom’s parents would host (read pay for) the wedding rehearsal dinner. This would include selecting the location, inviting the bridal party and other guests and give toasts. More recently, the wedding rehearsal dinner expectations have changed. Here’s what to expect:

• The rehearsal dinner can be a backyard BBQ, themed outing such as bowling, or a very formal event. This is usually decided by the party paying for the event; if both parents are contributing to the cost of the wedding, it is acceptable to share the cost of the rehearsal dinner as well.
• The groom will typically give a toast if the bride and groom or the groom’s parents are hosting this event. He should express gratitude for the rehearsal dinner and excitement for the wedding day.
• The father of the groom also gives a toast at the rehearsal dinner. It is one of well wishes for the couple and joy of the bride joining his family. The parents of the bride do not usually toast at the rehearsal dinner unless they are contributing to the cost. The father of the bride usually toasts at the wedding dinner however.

If your ceremony location does not allow for a rehearsal, or the rehearsal is a run through the day of the wedding, you can still gather before your wedding day. This congratulatory dinner is a chance for you and your bridal party to spend time together in a less formal environment. This is an excellent time to express your thanks for the bridal party helping you with your wedding planning.

If your rehearsal dinner will take place the night before your wedding, it is a good idea to share a toast and then switch to a non-alcoholic beverage. It’s a good idea to ask everyone to limit consumption so they will be fresh for the wedding day – and wedding day photos!

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RSVPs and B List Invitations

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is often when of the most challenging and debating parts of planning a wedding. Office politics, family dynamics and budgets can create some stressful moments. Often when building a guest list, brides and grooms divide their prospective guests into “A” and “B” lists.

A Listers. The A list is comprised of guests that you can not imagine not having at your wedding. These people are your closest family and friends. The B list is full of the guests that you would love to have (or someone insists) if space and budget weren’t factors.

Typically, wedding invitations are mailed 8 weeks prior to the event, with an RSVP requested 4 weeks in advance. This timeline allows you to contact guests who have not responded and send out B list invitations as necessary. On average 80% of your A list guests will attend your wedding. Of the invitations you mail, 90% are likely to respond, meaning you will need to contact the remaining 10%. (For more on wedding invitations, click here.)

RSVPs. If the guest who did not RSVP is a close friend or family member, it is acceptable for the bride or groom to contact them directly to let them know how important it is to have them be part of the day. Don’t assume that they are not attending; it is possible the invitation or RSVP card was lost in the mail. If the guest is a more distant relation or a friend of the parents, it is more appropriate for them to contact the guest.

If the guest is a very distant relative, old friend, or someone you did not expect to attend, it is safer to assume that they do not plan on attending.

Once you have a fairly accurate head count from the A list guests, you may be able to invite additional B list guests if budget allows (or you need to reach your guaranteed minimum). Review your head count – is it favoring your side of guests or your fiances? Is the person paying the bill interested (or expecting) more of their guests to be invited? Before inviting the next round of guests, have those conversations to avoid hurt feelings.

Inviting the B List. As most people know the timeline for wedding invitations and correspondence, it’s likely that your B list guests will realize they are such, particularly when they have a short RSVP window. You may want to follow up the invitation with a phone call letting them know you had more room than expected and would like them to join you.

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Choosing Your Maid of Honor

Your maid of honor is a very important part of your wedding planning and wedding day. Most often, the maid of honor is the go-to-gal for the bride; helping to choose the gown, host the wedding shower, plan the bachelorette party, fret over details and generally assist the bride in all stages of wedding planning. So how do you choose the perfect maid of honor?

You want to be sure your choice doesn’t offend someone and you need someone who will be there for you through the last moments of the wedding reception. This person goes beyond bridesmaid and her involvement should have special meaning for your wedding day.

When choosing your maid of honor, it’s helpful to understand the main roles she will play.

Bride’s advisor. One of the most important roles of the maid of honor is to act as a sounding board for the bride. This special friend should share in your excitement in the planning of your wedding – and have the patience to discuss the qualities of pink versus blush roses if that’s what is needed.

Act as a surrogate for the bride. The maid of honor is the “chief of staff” for your wedding. This person should have diplomatic grace when dealing with the bridesmaids or assisting with wedding duties. She should be someone you communicate well with and can delegate tasks too – confident she will act in your best interest.

Host or assist with bridal shower. The bride is not in charge of her bridal shower, but is an honored guest. The maid of honor will typically host or assist the bride’s female relatives with this event. That includes invitations, RSVP count, games and prizes and gift recording.

Planning the bachelorette party. The maid of honor, assisted by the bridesmaids, plans and pays for the bachelorette party. It is her job to arrange all of the night’s festivities to give her friend a proper send off. She does not pay for it all out of pocket, but coordinates the fees and collects from everyone involved. The bride should not pay any of the costs for this party.

Assist you on your wedding day. The maid of honor assists the bride as she gets ready, and throughout the day. This includes carrying the train, holding the bouquet during the ceremony, reminding her to retouch lip gloss and more – a role best filled by someone who can spend the day being selfless.

Wedding reception toast. The maid of honor shares special memories of the bride and honors her at the wedding reception. This person will be speaking to your closest family and friends so should be someone you trust.

Reasons not to ask someone. There are times when it may just be too much for someone to be your maid of honor. Your wedding will require a commitment from this special friend, and despite her intentions, she may not be up to the task. Some situations you should consider:

• Does she have a new baby?
• Will this be a financial burden?
• Did she recently start a demanding job?
• Is she relocating?
• Is she planning her own wedding?

If these or other circumstances may present a problem, talk to her and let her know that she would be your first choice, but you understand it may be a lot to ask right now. Don’t take it personally if she declines. Maybe she could assist you on specific items or act as a reader for your ceremony – without being your maid of honor.

There is also no rule that you must ask someone to be your maid of honor if you were theirs. This is your wedding day and you should choose the person that makes the most sense for you. If you are part of a tight circle of friends, it might be best to ask a family member to avoid hurt feelings.

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The Week Before Your Wedding

The week before your wedding is an exciting time. You can see the finish line; all of the major decisions have been made, the details finalized and the anticipation builds. Here are a few things to remember as the big day approaches.

Guest Arrivals. It’s likely that you will have family and friends arriving from out of town. If they will be depending upon you and your family for rides from the airport, accommodations and entertainment, try to plan for this in advance. They will appreciate a visit with you, but will understand that you still have things to take care of. Acting as the official welcome to your festivities is a great job for the parents of the bride and groom. You can also create a welcome packet, either physically or by email, of local attractions, restaurants and transportation that out-of-towners might find helpful.

Drop off wedding items. This week you will have items that need to be delivered to the right locations. Final payments, programs, place cards, seating charts, etc. will be delivered to your ceremony and reception locations. Consider asking members of the bridal party to help you with these details.

Information sharing. During the final week before your wedding, you will need to share the final timeline and plans with your bridal party and wedding vendors. Dedicate time in your schedule for these calls and meetings. Those involved in your wedding day need to clearly understand your expectations.

Wedding attire. Assign pickups of wedding attire to the wedding party. Build in a little extra time for deadlines if possible for those who may procrastinate. This allows for final alterations if needed.

Pack your wedding day bag. If there are special items that you want for your wedding day, such as grandma’s handkerchief, toasting glasses, cake knife and most importantly the marriage license, make sure that it is placed in a wedding day bag. Take a few moments to place these items in advance so you aren’t scrambling the night before. It’s a good idea to pack an “emergency” wedding bag too.

Ready your dancing shoes. It’s a good idea to wear your wedding shoes some this week. This allows them to “break in” before the wedding day. If the bottom is a smooth surface scuff them a little. You can also spray the bottoms with some hairspray to give them a little stickiness.

Confirm travel plans. If you are taking a honeymoon, confirm plane, hotel and rental reservations this week. Check the weather forecast and pack your bags.

Take care of yourself. It’s important not to let these last few days get the best of you. Continue your exercise routine, eat well, avoid too many well wishing toasts and get plenty of rest. You want to look and feel great on your wedding day.

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Wedding Colors

The colors you choose for your wedding day will be the basis for many of your wedding day decisions; from bridesmaids’ dresses, flowers, table linens and more. Choosing the perfect color can be tricky though. Here’s some ideas to get you started.

• Consider the venue. Beach weddings pair nicely with turquoises and beiges. A barn wedding might feature reds and oranges.
• Go with seasonal colors. A Christmas season wedding often has touches of reds; early spring soft pastels.
• Consider the feel you would like for your wedding day. A black and white event can be quite elegant, while a bright yellow theme invokes energy.
• Think about your favorite outfit and how you feel when you wear it. Does that match the vibe you would like for your wedding day? If so, go with it!
• Use a color wheel or paint chips to lay samples of colors in front of you. Are you instinctively drawn to a particular shade? Consider using it as your foundation color and building from it with either a complimentary or contrasting shade. You could also choose a monochromatic look by layering slightly differing tones of the same color.
• Limit your color choices to two or three. Any more than that may appear too busy.
• Before finalizing your color choice, think about how it looks with natural skin tones. Your bridesmaids will thank you.

Where to use color:

• You can begin to share the style of your wedding day with your save the date cards and again for your wedding invitations. Use your wedding colors as part of the design.
• If the color isn’t too bold, you can select attendant’s attire in your wedding shade. If the color is too strong for such a statement, you might want to consider it as an accent color for shoes, ties, jewelry or other accessories.
• Flowers are an excellent way to continue your wedding theme and colors throughout the day; providing a continuous visual from ceremony to reception.
• Cake accents such as ribbons, cake topper, embellishments and frosting colors are another opportunity to present your color choice.
• Table linens can be a foundational piece for decorating your wedding reception location with your color choice.

Popular color choices by season:

Winter: All white is popular during this stark season; often seen with stylish accents of silver or purple. Metallic colors such as gold accent reds during the holidays.

Spring: Soft pastels are often the color choice for a spring wedding. Those same shades can be punched up with corals, spring greens and hot pink.

Summer: Summer foliage is full of color and so are the weddings. Sunshine yellow, cobalt blue and jewel tones make beautiful seasonal appearances.

Fall: The splendor of a Michigan fall is often reflected in this season’s wedding colors. Burnt orange, deep red and sunflower yellow are perennial choices for the fall bride.

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