The holiday schedule of shopping, parties and more can be stressful already, but when you add in wedding planning or deciding where to spend your first Christmas, they can be downright awful. Follow these tips to help keep the holidays happy.
Decide as a couple. Before you were engaged (or married) you probably had family traditions you participated in each year, but so did your fiancé. Decide as a couple what events you will attend before either of you commit to family events. If you will have to decline an invitation, be sure to say “we are sorry we will not attend” so that the other doesn’t shoulder the blame for the change.
Be united. When we are single, our priorities are to our individual families. Once we commit to someone else, they are now our priority. Sometimes that change is a difficult adjustment for parents. You may have to gently remind others that this is now the case.
Be respectful. Your in-laws are your family now too. It’s not just your spouse’s responsibility to honor and maintain the relationships. Your in-laws want to include you in their family plans – say yes as often as you can.
Get the facts. Before you set off on your holiday debut with the in-laws (or soon to be in-laws), you want to make sure you ask your significant other for the inside details in the family. At this stage in your relationship you probably know the basics, but dig a little deeper so conversation comes easily, you don’t really want to be dealing with those awkward silences. Ask about any traditions, personalities, dos and don’ts. The holiday is not the time to bring up politics, social issues or other touchy subjects. It’s helpful if you are aware of any particularly painful family dynamics. If possible, save big wedding budget or planning discussions until after the holidays when everyone is less stressed
A gift to share. Once you’re caught up in the family gossip, you’ll want to ask your better half for help finding your hostess a gift, preferably one the entire family can enjoy or a dish to pass. Assorted gift baskets with wines to share, goodies from your home town, or a skin care basket are always a favorite and will ensure that you start off on the right foot.
Practice grace. Anytime you have a collection of people, there are bound to be a few hurt feelings or misunderstandings. When you notice you may have disappointed someone, ask for forgiveness. If you feel slighted, practice grace and forgiveness quickly. Resist the temptation to keep a list of wrongs. This is your new family, don’t start your lives together in bitterness.
P’s and Q’s. Just because you feel like family this holiday season doesn’t mean your manners should. Remember the basics: Always say please and thank you, offer to help whenever possible, try to get up a littler earlier then usual to participate in any family outings, and keep your space neat! This includes making your bed or the couch in the morning and not hogging the bathroom. If family is staying with you, be patient when they help. They may not do things just the way you would want them, but they are trying to please you.
Bonding. You’ve covered the basics with manners and gifts, but now is the time to jump in with two feet. They’ll notice your effort and appreciate the extra helping hand, but they’ll grow to love you even more when you join in the annual family Scrabble tournament, tossing the football, or going on an outing.
Goodbyes. Love it or hate, the celebration will come to an end. Don’t forget to thank your hosts and tell them how you had such an amazing time. Be sure to send a thank you note in the mail when you get back home. The added thanks and praise will remind them how much they loved having you.
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