Choosing Your Maid of Honor

Your maid of honor is a very important part of your wedding planning and wedding day. Most often, the maid of honor is the go-to-gal for the bride; helping to choose the gown, host the wedding shower, plan the bachelorette party, fret over details and generally assist the bride in all stages of wedding planning. So how do you choose the perfect maid of honor?

You want to be sure your choice doesn’t offend someone and you need someone who will be there for you through the last moments of the wedding reception. This person goes beyond bridesmaid and her involvement should have special meaning for your wedding day.

When choosing your maid of honor, it’s helpful to understand the main roles she will play.

Bride’s advisor. One of the most important roles of the maid of honor is to act as a sounding board for the bride. This special friend should share in your excitement in the planning of your wedding – and have the patience to discuss the qualities of pink versus blush roses if that’s what is needed.

Act as a surrogate for the bride. The maid of honor is the “chief of staff” for your wedding. This person should have diplomatic grace when dealing with the bridesmaids or assisting with wedding duties. She should be someone you communicate well with and can delegate tasks too – confident she will act in your best interest.

Host or assist with bridal shower. The bride is not in charge of her bridal shower, but is an honored guest. The maid of honor will typically host or assist the bride’s female relatives with this event. That includes invitations, RSVP count, games and prizes and gift recording.

Planning the bachelorette party. The maid of honor, assisted by the bridesmaids, plans and pays for the bachelorette party. It is her job to arrange all of the night’s festivities to give her friend a proper send off. She does not pay for it all out of pocket, but coordinates the fees and collects from everyone involved. The bride should not pay any of the costs for this party.

Assist you on your wedding day. The maid of honor assists the bride as she gets ready, and throughout the day. This includes carrying the train, holding the bouquet during the ceremony, reminding her to retouch lip gloss and more – a role best filled by someone who can spend the day being selfless.

Wedding reception toast. The maid of honor shares special memories of the bride and honors her at the wedding reception. This person will be speaking to your closest family and friends so should be someone you trust.

Reasons not to ask someone. There are times when it may just be too much for someone to be your maid of honor. Your wedding will require a commitment from this special friend, and despite her intentions, she may not be up to the task. Some situations you should consider:

• Does she have a new baby?
• Will this be a financial burden?
• Did she recently start a demanding job?
• Is she relocating?
• Is she planning her own wedding?

If these or other circumstances may present a problem, talk to her and let her know that she would be your first choice, but you understand it may be a lot to ask right now. Don’t take it personally if she declines. Maybe she could assist you on specific items or act as a reader for your ceremony – without being your maid of honor.

There is also no rule that you must ask someone to be your maid of honor if you were theirs. This is your wedding day and you should choose the person that makes the most sense for you. If you are part of a tight circle of friends, it might be best to ask a family member to avoid hurt feelings.

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Communicating With Your Bridal Party

Your bridal party will be comprised of your closest friends. So of course, they have your best interests at heart, but they may not always seem to! Often these misunderstandings occur because they do not know what is expected. Not communicating with their bridal party is one of the biggest mistakes brides make. (Want to know the others? Click here)

Explain Their Roles

While your friends will be honored to stand with you on your wedding day, it is possible that they do not know their duties extend beyond that. Here are some of the traditional roles of the bridal party.

• Best Man. The Best Man is the groom’s aide and advisor during the wedding planning process and wedding day. He usually helps to pick out the tuxes, plans the bachelor party and helps to keep the other groomsmen on task. Think of him as the chief of staff of the groomsmen crew. Other duties include keeping the groom on schedule, paying fees and gratuities to the wedding officiant and other vendors, witnessing the marriage license, holding the bride’s ring, and giving a toast at the wedding reception.
• Groomsmen. The groomsmen assist the Best Man in planning and paying for the bachelor party. The often act as ushers for the wedding reception and escorts for the bridesmaids for the day.

• Maid/Matron of Honor. Much like her counterpart, the Maid or Matron of Honor acts as the sounding board for the bride as she plans the wedding, often attending meetings or bridal shows with the bride. She will help to choose the wedding day attire, plan the bachelorette party, mind the wedding day schedule, hold the groom’s ring and give a toast at the reception.
• Bridesmaids. The bridesmaids assist the bride and maid of honor when asked by helping with the bridal shower, planning and cost of bachelorette party, addressing invitations and other planning tasks. They assist the bride as she gets ready on her wedding day and asks as hostesses to guests at the wedding reception; often by being the first ones on the dance floor to get the party started.

Involve Them In the Planning

As you plan your wedding, it is likely that you will need some assistance to complete tasks such as making decorations, addressing invitations, creating seating charts and more. Your bridal party should be a great resource in helping with these tasks – if you ask. Remember, this is your wedding and they may not know how to help if you don’t tell them.

Share the Timeline

You will work with your wedding vendors to create a timeline for your wedding day. The successful execution of this schedule is dependent upon the cooperation of your bridal party. Share the timeline with them, and explain it’s importance in having the wedding you dream of, so that they have a clear understanding of what is expected of them and when. You will need their cooperation and participation for formal photographs and dances so it a good idea to explain when those will take place and what will be involved.

Thank Them

It is easy to get so caught up in the planning process and the wedding day itself. Be sure to thank your bridal party for the help, friendship and participation in creating the wedding day you dreamed of.

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